Depression and self-criticism

Many people with depression become increasingly critical of themselves.

The more exhausted they feel, the more they judge themselves for not coping better.

This creates a painful cycle where shame and depression begin to reinforce one another.

Therapy can help you understand this cycle with greater compassion rather than criticism.

Depression is often more than sadness

Although depression is often described as a mood disorder, I don't believe it is simply about feeling sad.

In my experience, depression often develops gradually. Sometimes it follows bereavement, trauma, illness or significant life changes. Sometimes it grows over many years of carrying too much, putting everyone else's needs before your own or feeling unable to express difficult emotions. Depression can develop after prolonged stress or burnout, when the mind and body have been carrying more than they can sustain.

For some people, depression feels less like overwhelming emotion and more like the absence of it.It can become difficult to feel joy, hope, motivation or even a sense of connection with yourself.

When shutting down becomes a way of surviving

Our minds and bodies are remarkably good at adapting to difficult circumstances.

When life becomes overwhelming, we naturally develop ways of coping. Anxiety may keep us alert. People-pleasing may help us avoid rejection. Depression can sometimes be understood as something different: a mind and body that have been carrying too much for too long.

Rather than constantly striving, fighting or staying on high alert, they begin to conserve energy.

This isn't laziness or weakness.

It may be the way your system has learned to protect you when life has felt emotionally overwhelming or impossible to sustain.

Understanding this doesn't make depression disappear overnight, but it often replaces shame with compassion.

Therapy is not about forcing yourself to feel positive

People sometimes worry that therapy means being encouraged to 'look on the bright side' or think more positively.

That is not how I work.

Before we can move forward, it is often important to understand what your depression has been doing for you. Together we can gently explore your experiences, your relationships and the patterns that have shaped your life, moving at a pace that feels manageable.

Sometimes healing begins not with dramatic change, but with making sense of why life has become so difficult.

My approach

I work in an integrative, relational and trauma-informed way, recognising that depression looks different for every person.

Some people simply need the space to talk. Others want to understand how their past continues to shape their present. For some, paying attention to what their body is communicating through exhaustion, tension or emotional numbness becomes an important part of the process.

Rather than trying to get rid of depression as quickly as possible, I am interested in understanding it. Together we can explore what it may have been protecting you from, while gradually helping you reconnect with parts of yourself that may have become buried beneath years of surviving.

Above all, I believe therapy should help you make sense of yourself with greater compassion, rather than leaving you feeling that there is something wrong with you.

My understanding of depression

I don't see depression simply as an illness to be fought or a sign that something is wrong with you.

Often, I see it as the mind and body responding to experiences that have become too much to carry. It may follow loss, trauma, chronic stress or years spent putting everyone else's needs before your own. Sometimes it develops so gradually that it simply becomes the way life feels. Often depression and anxiety exist alongside one another.

Many of the people I work with have spent years asking themselves, 'What's wrong with me?'

I believe a different question is often more helpful:

'What has my depression been trying to do for me?'

That doesn't mean depression is something we want to keep. But as we begin to understand its purpose, it often starts to loosen its grip.

For me, therapy is not about becoming a different person. It is about reconnecting with yourself and discovering that the ways you've been coping no longer have to carry quite so much weight.

Reconnecting with life

Depression can make it feel as though nothing will ever change.

Yet many people discover that, as they begin to understand themselves with greater compassion, small changes gradually become possible. Energy begins to return. Relationships become easier. Life starts to feel less like something to endure and more like something to participate in.

Depression can convince us that nothing will ever change. One of therapy's most important roles is to help us hold onto hope until we're able to find it again ourselves.

If depression has left you feeling stuck, disconnected or overwhelmed, therapy can offer a compassionate space to make sense of what you're going through and begin finding a way forward that feels right for you.

You may also find these pages helpful